Effects on Victims
Sexually abused children report and/or display affective, cognitive, physical, and behavioral symptoms (Shaw et al. 2000). Symptoms may include general behavior problems, delinquency, anxiety, regressive behaviors, nightmares, withdrawal from normal activities, internalizing and externalizing disorders, cruelty and self-injury, post-traumatic stress disorder, poor self-esteem, and age-inappropriate sexual behavior. A review of forty-five studies indicated two common patterns of psychological response to incest (Williams and Finkelhor 1993). The first are those associated with posttraumatic stress symptomology. The second is an increase in sexualized behaviors, including sexualized play with dolls, putting objects into anuses or vaginas, excessive or public masturbation, seductive behavior, and age-inappropriate sexual knowledge and behavior.
Long-term psychological sequelae of incest include depression, anxiety, psychiatric hospitalization, drug and alcohol use, suicidality, borderline personality disorder, somatization disorder, and eroticization (Schetky 1990; Silverman, Reinherz, and Giaconia 1996). Common, too, are learning difficulties, posttraumatic stress disorder, dissociative disorders and conversion reactions, running away, prostitution, re-victimization, poor parenting, and an increased likelihood of becoming a perpetrator. The frequency and severity of psychological sequelae secondary to sexual abuse has been related to frequency and duration of the abuse, relationship to the perpetrator, use of force, type of sexual abuse, penetration, age of the victim, age difference between victim and offender, and the parental support variable (Schetky 1990). Most incest victims experience confusion about their own reactions to the incest experience. It is this betrayal of innocence and resultant confusion, along with the loss of control and power over one's own behavior, that lead to the emotional and psychological impact on the victim. Victims often experience, both at the time of the incestuous act and later as adults, a sense of shame, a feeling of powerlessness, and a loss of their childhood.
Sibling incest is often thought to be the least harmful form. Although one of the key aspects of incest is the difference in power between the perpetrator and the victim, sexual behavior between two siblings of equal power, where touching, looking, and exploring are mutual decisions, can still pose problems for the participants and/or parents. What Diana Russell (1986) calls the myth of mutuality in relation to sibling incest may put the victim in a psychologically and physically vulnerable position. In her research with adult women, she found that 78 percent of her subjects who had had childhood sexual experiences reported that their sexual behavior with brothers was abusive. When the reported sexual behavior was with a sister, 50 percent of the female subjects experienced the behavior as abusive. Approximately one-half reported sibling incest as extremely upsetting, and another one-fourth as somewhat upsetting. The degree of coercion and the emotional harm in sibling incest may be more underestimated than incest in general.
The effects of sexual abuse on children and their later development into adulthood depend on at least five important factors: the age of the child, the duration of the abuse, the type of the abuse, the manner in which the child frames the abuse, and the ability of the child to heal. It is likely that there are important gender differences in how girls and boys make sense out of incest experiences. Girls tend to view the incest experience within the larger context of the child-adult relationship and are likely to be more concerned with the perpetrator's feelings and family stability. In contrast, a boy may focus more on his own sexual experience. All children, whether male or female, attempt to make sense of or to create an explanation for the incestuous relationship as a part of the healing process.
The ability of people to heal from a damaging experience is related to their ability to confront their own feelings of fear, terror, anger, rage, confusion, helplessness, and vulnerability. A common report of adult victims of childhood incest is a clear sense of removing oneself from the event. A sense that it was being done to someone else and/or a sense of leaving the body during the sexual contact are common reports. The danger is that denial becomes the preferred or most common behavior to deal with stress. Moving beyond denial to healing requires that the incest victims allow themselves to experience the feelings of confusion, rage, and helplessness.
To manipulate the victim, most incest perpetrators foster in the child a set of behaviors that help the child maintain the denial and self-deception needed to survive an ongoing incestuous relationship. The effects of this on the victim can be manifested in multiple ways, including fear of violence, sex, intimacy, and people of the same sex as the perpetrator. Confusion of gender identity, as well as uncontrolled sexual activity, may also result. There is often a need to care for and control others, at home, school, and work. Feelings of isolation, shame, and guilt, often not associated with any specific activity, help to foster a poor self-image, which may lead to suicidal behavior. There is also a tendency for victims of incest to suffer from other disorders, such as sleep disturbances, nightmares, depression, and eating disorders. Incestuous relationships are at a minimum a contributing factor to the above effects, and for countless victims, they are the primary contributor.
Part of the process of healing is the victim's awareness of the context within which he or she made choices. Often, in treatment, victims gain a sense of empowerment when they can begin to trace the development of the incestuous relationship over time. Typically, victims can account for a gradual increase in their ability to make choices and implement them. Victims have often stated that at a certain time, they were able to stop the incest perpetrator's manipulations with the threat of breaking secrecy.
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16 days ago
I was a vitim as well. I was only three when it started and five when I told my mother about what had been going. My abusers were my cousins. they were 13 and 14 years of age. When my mother confronted my cousins one admitted and the other denied what had been going on. I am really glad that I found a web site like this that allows me to open about my abuse. I have three sons and my oldest son was molested by his stepmother and the Law told me that it was his word against hers. They no longer see the stepmother and their father has divorced her and has remarried another woman. This new woman has a son and now I have found out that this son has molested my middle son. When will the cycle end. I am so frustrated at the system and people in the world. My children no longer see there dad and he seems to not know why. How stupid is that?
2 months ago
I too was a victim . I and my sisters was raped by my father from infancy till teenagers . it was over 30 years ago . I struggled with it all my life, he disappeared when it all came out and was never seen again until now , some thirty years later. I would like to make him pay for what he did. he ruined three girls lives and disappeared. Law enforcement don't seem to care about him or what he did. and thats the real tragedy behind all of our individual stories. Is there no justice ?
2 months ago
My former wife was abused by her father from the age of puberty. She had knowledge of the victimization of her sister and a cousin from the age of three. Her mother knew of the abuse and assisted by protecting the family's reputation. Her father had made comments that suggest he may have been a victim of his mother's abuse. She continues to refuse to report this and lives with him, now, at the age of 37.
3 months ago
When I was seven years old my brother who is two years older than me started sneaking in my room while I was sleeping at night and molesting me, this went on until I was fourteen and it progressively got weirder and weirder. I’m twenty-one now and to this day I cannot talk about it, but I think about it literally everyday of my life. He and I don’t talk about it, he started doing lots of hardcore drugs and I honestly think he forgot. I have never told my Mom, and I feel the need to tell her now, because my brother has gone crazy and needs to be committed. I’m just worried about how she will react, and I don’t want her to think it was her fault, growing up my Dad had cancer and so did she so there wasn’t really a good time to tell anyone. I think I should talk to someone about it, because even though it ended six years ago, it still eats me up inside.
3 months ago
this is my story... When I was 16 my half brother moved in with my family. He had lived out west with his mother and we hadn't been raised together. One night I was feeling very depressed as he tried to convince me that I was raped when I was 13 (I have recently discovered that no I was not raped at all and that I had just surpressed the memories). My parents were emotionally unavailable to me so I turned to him for comfort. We engaged in a year long relationship, him using my depression and threatening me if I told anyone about this after it ended that he would kill me. It turned out that I had become adjusted to it and actually wanted to have it happen and was upset when it ended. I had fallen in love with him as he was the only person who showed me any affection and was there for me. I know this is wrong and that I am indeed a victim.
3 months ago
when i was about 4 or 5, i was abused by my cousin who is two years older than me. I have never told anyone to this day about it, and have never discussed it with my cousin( who is also a boy)i am 15 now and am confused about what i should do, it has seriously fucked up my life to a certain extent, ie just tried to forget about it and not concentrate on it. The abuse only happened for about 2 weeks but when i look back on it it is deeply distressing. So far, because no one knows about it, my life remains normal and i have many friends and am straight. I want my life to continue normally, is there any way i can permamently forget my experience?
4 months ago
I too was molested by my father and brother. After hospitalization, two weeks inpatient and two weeks outpatient at one of the best facilities in the US, I found out that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder, different personalities. After I was released, I started writing my own memoir, stopped and then my pastor said to read Andy Stanley's book,"From Within the Heart". It talked about allowing family secrets to come out before we could heal. I knew that I must continue to write the book if I was to stay better because my book will help others like myself to heal. You can see it at www.incestvictim.com. I hope all of you can get help somewhere. I was like the family that the mother knew about it and did nothing to save me. It started at the of four that I remember, maybe younger.
4 months ago
Who is the jerk who posted the inconsiderate judgement on another person's post regarding their experience with incest? You have no business posting on this site if you are only here to criticize and judge others. Some people struggle with grammar and others just have a lot of typos in their writing. We don't all edit ourselves as we type, especially when relieving our minds of thoughts wrought with emotion. Poor Ann has been turned off to reaching out for help because of some ignorant, self-righteous person!
5 months ago
I don't know who Janice is, but I now know for sure that I should never had tried to look for help. i had contacted RAIN but I actually would have to talk on the phone to someone and I know I can't actually say the words out loud. Obviously, I tried to get help from the wrong place.
5 months ago
nice try janice! It was great to see your spelling get progressively worse in your story. Can't spell worse, but can spell appreciate. Pull your scam someplace else.
5 months ago
I have two children and am divorced from my husband. My daughter is 11 and I am like a pitbull around everything she does. I realize now that my past is interfering with her childhood. I have NEVER told anyone this, I was sexually abused by my bothers since the age of 8 until 18. I got married and got out, I ended up getting divorced and having nowhere to go but home, and one of my brothers started this again. I am totally rely on my mom right now and I can't tell anyone. HE has his own life and family but "stops in" to check on us. My mom thinks its so nice that he's soo concerned, I just want to wake up from all this... I tried to go to Social service for help, somewhere to live, food stamps till I can get on my feet, and was denied because I live with my mom. If I didn't have my children, I would be living a completely different life. I know EVERYTHING going on in my children's lives, I don't know how my mom can't know. I can't say anything because it would totally explode my family! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO stuck I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even say this out loud, because then it will be real and I don't know if I would be able to breathe afterwards. I just googled something about taking to a mother regarding this matter and this site came up.
5 months ago
My sisters and i were all molested by our father. We are all now in our 40's I have always felt lucky to get out when I did. But it still haunts me to this day. I feel I have lived through this most of the time. What I need most is trying to find help for my sisters. They are all half crazy. They live the trama over and over every day. I have been married for 29 yrs. Never really happy just glad I was out of there. But i have excepted my life and choose to stay. I have nevre had any kids don't really know why. Back to my sisters. They can't keep a relationship. Two of them were not able to raise their kids. One overly protected her and now that boy is a mess. They have been to doctor but all I see is they are additicted to drug now don't want to or can't live without them. They have stolen they lie. Make promise's if you help them. I have helped them giving them money trying to help them get settled in a home. It will last for a shor time. We were raised so ignorant to life. And still can't seem to function the way we should or at least relize simple thing . I get so mad at my self for beliveing in people. And i know they do too. My three sisters are now on disablity the can't cope with every day life. Two are to the point they don't want to live. My father is dead and gone now and yes i'm glad he can't hurt anyone else. I think he even hurt alot of other girls. This abuse was far worst on my sister than me. For some reason i think my father got afraid to bother me. I really didn't know this was happening to them. The older sister never said anyhting to me. Nor i her. After we got older we relized it happen to us both. But i still never thouhgt it still happen to the younger two. My mother knew this was happening all along i later found out. My older sister told her. My younger sister told her. I to this day have never really discussed this with my mom. My sisters have. Why didn't she do somthing. Now my sister are driving theirselfs crazy. Please someone help me find help fpr them and me so we can all heel. We are from a poor family and don't have money. Befor it's to late for my sister someone please help. They need a life of stability. hope and happiness. I pray to God every day. To bless my family wiht health and happiness. And lift this curese that is on my family. It's more than just our father that was abuseive, brother uncle seem like it was in any of our relitives home. On boh sides.My mother was abuses too by her father and I'm sure her brothers. She was the only girl out of 11 kids. She is a strong loveing mother but we can't understand why she done nothing. Please help me save my sisters before it is to late. Every where they have truned has always used and abuse them too. Now it hard for any one to help them beause they do lie so much. Most'ly now to get the drugs they are hooed on. Sorry this is so long and poor grammer Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.
6 months ago
lora, You as a mother upon discovering what you say you saw, having your child examined by proffessionals was correct. However, these professionals all said there was no signs of sexual abuse niether physicly nor phychologicly. Now you may also wish to seek a phychologist to help you cope with what you saw and also to help you to search for any repressed memories of past abuse in your life that may be causing you to see things others dont seem to correlate. Dont shame your family and destroy what you have if it is your own repressed memories or your own incestual past.
6 months ago
Ocaso - Survival is a choice...you CAN do this! I am a child abuse survivor and it took me years to overcome all the damage. With determination and the proper tools such as a great counselor, you CAN overcome this. You may save the life of another innocent child by telling his wife...who knows....she may already have seen questionable behavior in him. She most definitely has a right to know BEFORE she gets pregnant. You can come out the other side of this and have a story of healing that can help others just like you! If you don't know God, He is an amazing healer too that can teach you the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Your brother will never be safe to be around, but you can forgive him in your heart so that you can move on and enjoy life.
6 months ago
I'm 21 now, but I suffered sibling incest from age 8 to 13. When I told my family, they made my brother stop and I started going to counseling. However, the person who treated me minimized it and I ended up trying to commit suicide... My parents got me someone else and I saw that person for a while but then discontinued therapy, because I was just trying to please everybody and not making progress myself. Of course, I didn't tell them that. Daily, I fight thoughts of suicide and self-injury without my family knowing, and I try my best at everything to please them. My brother is now happily married, though his wife doesn't know about what happened, and I fear him having a daughter... I don't know what I'd do if he did that to her, knowing that it'd be my fault his wife couldn't defend the child... Now I'm considering going back to therapy, but I'm not sure. I mean, I want to be a survival story, but sometimes it feels like too much to survive...
7 months ago
Dear Lora, no matter what-fight for your child! Talk to a pastor (attorneys just want money)and have her start counseling immediately!!! Don't worry about future threats because they will come! My little girl is 12 now. Her dad was molested for years by his best friends dad. I knew about this when we married, but I didn't understand the implications. We too did not have sex. Maybe twice in 5 yrs. We divorced, but he still sees her because he is smart. He shows her his penis in the bathroom, bribes her, and dotes all over her. It is disgusting. I live in Arkansas and here, the authorities will do NOTHING. I got her checked out when she was 8. They said that they could see where she had been abused, but couldn't do anything because she wouldn't talk. The abuse has gone on so long, that she is passive and demonstrative of a learning disability.
7 months ago
Lora, I come from a family of tragic sexual abuse. As a mother you have to trust your instincts. If you have the money and strength and wisdom to get out of there and separate from that man, then you are blessed and doing the right thing. Try to make sure that he only visits with your daughter when there is someone else you trust around. COMMUNICATE, most of all: Teach your daughter that she can tell you when someone touches her in a sexual way or if someone makes her touch them in sexual ways. Teach her a language to communicate with you. Stay alert & open to her. Thank you for being brave to share your feelings.
7 months ago
I am in need of anyone help that can help me. I have a daughter of age 8 years old and I notice that her, and her father have what I thought of a strange relationship,he paid too much attendition to her. MY husband and I had no sexual relationship. I wanted one but he continue to reject me. Howerver, I found him late one night jacking off" calling my 8 years old daughter name. I confront him, but he says I am crazy "he didn't " do it. I ask my daughter, if he touch her, she said no. I had her check by a doctor, but no sign that she had sex. I have report this to child protecting but they said, nothing they could do, because she wasn't touch. I have file for a divorce, but he will still have right to see her. what can, I do to protect her, from him. (also, I feel that there is a secert language that is between them, did any of you experience this. Please help me if you can. A mother need your help in the behavior of father's sick in the head. Please help me. Lora
8 months ago
My father was the perpetrator. The strange thing is I blocked out most of these memories. They started to come to me after I got married. I guess the events were so traumatizing that I cannot remember the details of the worst of it. I dont understand why a father would do that to a child. I was helpless my mother had died and there he is taking advantage of his daughters? Everyone loved my father he is now dead. How strange huh? Dawn
9 months ago
This information is quite useful. I too, was raised in a incestuous relationship with my natural father from the age of 3-15 years old. I have a 22 year old child born from this relationship. She is healthy and married w/18mo. twin daughters. I have tried to overcome my childhood and feel I am stronger than most. However I do relate to many of the above referenced longlasting effects of this. I would like to be able to find someone to share my story with and know that I am not alone. So I have searched the internet to do this and have came across this info.
about 1 year ago
thank god or whomever, for google. i took care of my brother for 6 years, six years ago and the horrifying facts of that time are just rearing it's ugly head. my family was trying so desp. to "fix" me and just wanted me to be "happier" so much so, that they wanted to send me to "THE BEST" psych hospital to find a cure. having now weaned off of a 19 year anti-depressant use and am SAFE and have been under a psych and lcsw's care, the truth comes out. any sites i can look at would be helpful. thank you......