Transition to Parenthood

Four general theories have been utilized to explain the transition to parenthood: systems theory, developmental theory, role theory, and dialectical theory.

Systems theory. The examination of a family as a system is a popular theoretical and therapeutic approach. One of the primary dimensions of a family system is the interdependence among the members and how what happens to one member affects the entire system. The addition of a baby makes a dyad (the spousal couple) a triad and therefore adds complexity to the system. That is, prior to the baby's arrival there are three subsystems: each individual person and the relationship between the couple. After the baby is born, seven subsystems exist: each individual person, three possible dyadic relationships (e.g. mother and child, mother and father, father and child), and the relationship between all three together.

For some systems therapists (e.g., Minuchin 1974) the strain felt after a child is born is due to competition between the spousal subsystem and the parental subsystems: that is, the spousal relationship may be compromised through the additional demand of raising a child.

Cowan and Cowan's five dimensions epitomize a systems perspective, as applied to new parents. An example they use to link various areas is offered: "Think, for example, of a man who feels anxious about becoming a new father (inner life) and wants to be more involved with his child than his father was with him (quality of relationships in family of origin) but feels pressured by the demands of his job (stress outside the family). Once the baby is born, he may have difficulty negotiating new family roles and decisions with his wife (quality of the marriage)" (Cowan and Cowan 1992, p. 6). One can see from this example that the myriad areas of one's life are all connected and that a change (the baby) in one area can affect all other areas.

Developmental theory. A theory held by many researchers is a stage model of family development. Rossi (1968), who helped shift the focus from "crisis" to "transition," did so with the understanding that a transition implies a movement from one stage to another, in this case a movement from pre-parenthood to parenthood. Other researchers have echoed this assumption, including the identification of the transition as a normal developmental event for married adults (Miller and Sollie 1980), the examination of the family life cycle during the transition (Entwisle and Doering 1981), and how pregnancy and parenthood progress from one stage to the next (Feldman and Nash 1984).

The important points to be taken from a developmental approach is that the transition to parenthood may be (1) a normal change involving a move from one stage of life to another and (2) that inhabiting a different life stage may change many aspects of one's life, including relationships and self identity.

Role theory. The third theory used in understanding the transition to parenthood is role theory. The addition of the child is often discussed in terms of the additional, and subsequently strained, role obligations of the marital couple. Cowan and colleagues (1985) have examined role strain during the transition to parenthood using a "pie" analogy. Individual spouses are asked to both list and divide their main roles (on a circle) before and after the birth of their child.

Results from the pie indicate clearly that the roles of partner and lover get smaller while the role of parent gets larger with the advent of parenthood.

The findings from research using a role related approach during the transition to parenthood include:

1. There is an increase in role segregation, and discrepant perceptions of role performances, by spouses (Cowan et al. 1978);
2. More traditional roles are enacted during parenthood (McHale and Huston 1985);
3. Wives who did not see female sex-typed attributes in themselves (relative to those who saw themselves in sex-stereotyped ways) were more apt to evaluate their marriage less favorably after the birth of the child (Belsky, Lang, and Huston 1986);
4. Role strain is more successfully predicted from both husband and wife measures which "underlines the point that becoming a parent is a couple experience as well as an individual experience" (Feldman 1987, p. 29);
5. One or both spouses may "feel trapped in the 'foreverness' of the parent role" (Cowan et al. 1985, p. 476); and
6. Spouses learn to enact and negotiate the role of parent through their ongoing interactions with each other (Stamp 1994).

Dialectical theory. The transition to parenthood can also be examined through dialectical theory, an approach concerned with understanding the inherent contradictions that occur in family life. These contradictions include autonomy versus connectedness, expressive versus instrumental communication, and stability versus change.

The tension between autonomy for self versus connection with other is particularly pronounced after the birth of a child. Nicolina Fedele and her colleagues explain:

Since parenthood involves negotiating commitments to self and to others, the dialectic between autonomy and affiliation becomes highlighted around the transition to parenthood. The search for the balance between self and other affects the marital relationship and the parent-child relationship. Parenting provides a unique and complex interaction of affiliation and autonomy since each individual in the family unit—mother, father, and child—is in some way negotiating the dilemma, but in reference to one another. (1988, p. 96)

One of the most typical experiences that spouses feel after the birth of a baby is "constrained autonomy" or "the overwhelming feeling that one's sense of independence is severely compromised by factors outside one's control" (Stamp and Banski 1992, p. 285–286). The ways in which the autonomy of a new parent is affected include having less time for oneself, having to restructure activities, and the addition of new and difficult tasks related to childcare.

A second dialectic is the dialectic between expressiveness and instrumentality. Rossi (1968) discussed expressive and instrumental functions in her seminal paper on the transition to parenthood. She concluded that "the role of father, husband, wife, or mother, each has these two independent dimensions of authority and support, instrumentality and expressiveness, work and love" (p. 37) and that role conflict is present whenever these polarities are required.

One of the ways a marriage changes after the birth of a baby is from a relationship primarily focused on emotional expression to one focused on instrumental aspects (Belsky et al. 1983). In addition, marital satisfaction is correlated with this change; marital quality goes down as the relationship becomes more instrumental (Belsky et al. 1983; McHale and Huston 1985).

A third dialectic is between stability and change, which involves the struggle between the couple to maintain the predictable patterns within their relationship while attempting to adapt to the changes within their life due to the pregnancy and new baby. During the transition to parenthood pronounced change is occurring within a formerly stable union.

These three dialectics—autonomy/affiliation, expressiveness/instrumentality, stability/change—are clearly experienced during the transition to parenthood and present dilemmas and opportunities for spouses to solve.