Transition to Parenthood

There is little doubt that the birth of a child changes a couple's marriage; the questions are how much and in what areas. One review of the literature on the transition to parenthood concluded that: (1) the changes that occur in parents' lives during the early postpartum period are more negative than positive; and (2) the transition to parenthood is equally disruptive for men, for women, and for the couple (Cowan and Cowan 1988).

One consistent finding is a decrease in marital satisfaction during the transition to parenthood (Cowan and Cowan 1988; Tomlinson 1996). However, while the "average" couple will have a decline in marital satisfaction in the immediate post-partum period, those same couples may have a rebound over time as they adjust to their new family roles. Three factors in particular may impact satisfaction during the transition to parenthood: pre-baby expectations, changes in communication, and pre-baby marital strain.

First, the expectations of the prospective parents may impact the postpartum experience. Some of the connections between pre-baby expectations and postpartum experience include: (1) a positive relationship exists between prenatal expectations and ease of transition (Wylie 1979); (2) inaccurate expectations lead to adjustment problems (Kach and McGhee 1982); (3) negative expectations of prospective parents result in negative experiences afterwards (Belsky, Lang, and Rovine 1985); (4) parents whose positive expectations were violated had more negative marital change (Belsky 1985); (5) violated expectations regarding the sharing of both childcare and housekeeping responsibilities contribute to women's marital dissatisfactions (Ruble et al. 1988); and (6) increased complexity in thinking about expectations results in better adjustment for women after the birth of a child (Pancer et al. 2000).

Secondly, communication changes in both quantity and quality post baby. Typically, the amount of communication between spouses decreases during the transition to parenthood, with reduced communication associated with decreased marital satisfaction (Cowan and Cowan 1988). Moreover, the quality of communication may change as well. For example, either more arguments or less openness over childcare or relationship issues can occur. For those couples used to spontaneous and frequent interaction with each other, these changes can be problematic.

Third, and perhaps most important, the largest factor determining dissatisfaction after the baby is born is strain in the marriage prior to the birth (Cowan and Cowan 1992). Couples with better pre-birth problem-solving abilities and conflict strategies show less, if any, decline in marital satisfaction after the birth of the child compared to those couples with less developed conflict tactics (Cox et al. 1999). The old adage for couples that "having a baby will bring us together" may actually have the opposite effect, particularly for those couples whose marriage is already strained. Having a baby may not solve, but exacerbate the problems in the marriage.

Two long-term programs of research by Jay Belsky and his colleagues and Carolyn Cowan and Philip Cowan and their colleagues have focused on the effect of parenthood on a couple's relationship. Both research programs have been concerned with documenting the changes within individuals, as well as in the marital relationship, during the transition to parenthood; both concur that the transition to parenthood is multidimensional in nature; and each deserve mention due to the holistic approach the researchers take in understanding the complicated nature of the transition to parenthood.

For Cowan and Cowan (1992, p. 5), there are five central aspects of family life that are affected when partners become parents. These five domains are:

• "The inner life of both parents and the first child, with special emphasis on each one's sense of self."
• "The quality of the relationship between the husband and wife, with special emphasis on their family roles and patterns of communication."
• "The quality of the relationships among the grandparents, parents, and children."
• "The relationship between the nuclear family members and key individuals or institutions outside the family (work, friends, child care)."
• "The quality of the relationship between each parent and their first child."

What is important from their perspective is how becoming a parent affects each of these important areas of life, and how change in any one area can affect other areas.

Jay Belsky and John Kelly (1994) have also identified five areas related to the transition to parenthood, though their themes are focused on the areas of potential spousal disagreement. For new parents, these include:

• Chores and division of labor;
• Money;
• Work;
• Their relationship; and
• Social life.

Belsky and Kelly assert that these five areas "constitute the raw material of marital change during the transition. Quite simply, couples who manage to resolve these issues in a mutually satisfying way generally become happier with their marriages, whereas those who do not become unhappier" (1994, p. 32).

To cite one example from the list above, Cowan and Cowan (1988) state that the number one issue leading to conflict was the division of labor in the family. Many factors may affect the division of labor issue, with labor inequity affecting wives more than husbands. For example, it is often the wife that aligns her preferences about the division of childcare tasks with her husband's preferences during the transition to parenthood ( Johnson and Huston 1998). In addition, during pregnancy, many women became more interested in goals related to motherhood ("to be a good mother") and less interested in achievement-related goals ("to make career decisions") (Salmela-Aro et al. 2000). Finally, motherhood increases wives' hours spent on at-house duties but reduces other employment hours (Sanchez and Thomson 1997). These findings indicate that wives especially may have decreased satisfaction, particularly if they perceive that there is ongoing inequity between themselves and their husbands in the childcare duties.