Marital Sex

Frequent, mutually rewarding sex, along with effective communication about sexual desires and preferences, clearly is associated with sexual satisfaction. In addition, all of these aspects of sexuality—frequency, practices and preferences, communication, and satisfaction—are related to nonsexual aspects of a couple's relationship. For example, there is a strong connection between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction; couples who are happy with their sex lives tend to be happy with other areas of their relationship (Christopher and Sprecher 2000). The frequency with which a couple engages in sexual intercourse also is related to dimensions of relationship satisfaction. Specifically, the more often a couple has sex, the more generally satisfied they are with the relationship and their nonsexual interactions, the more they enjoy spending time together and sharing activities and hobbies, and the more equitable and fair they perceive their relationship to be (Blumstein and Schwartz 1983; Call et al. 1995; Hatfield et al. 1982).

It makes intuitive sense that a good sex life is associated with a good overall relationship. What is less intuitive is the direction of that association. Does unsatisfying sex lead to an unsatisfying relationship, or does a bad relationship lead to bad sex? On the one hand, it is likely that an unhappy, stressed, or conflicted partner—one who is preoccupied, worried, or angry about various (nonsexual) aspects of the relationship—would have difficulty becoming sexually interested in and aroused by the other partner, particularly if that partner is viewed as a source of the conflict or unhappiness. On the other hand, it is equally likely that a person who is not satisfied with either the quantity or the quality of sex with the partner may become dissatisfied with other aspects of the marriage. Whatever the direction of the relationship between sexuality and general satisfaction, most researchers agree that the two are intimately connected.