India - Status Of Single And Divorced Persons In India
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An individual who remains single and never marries feels out of place, socially and culturally. Traditionally, single persons were supposed to be the responsibility of the extended family, and this tradition still continues. Remaining single is more acceptable for men than it is for women. When a woman is not married, it is assumed that there is something wrong with her; she may be very difficult to get along with, she may be uncompromising, and therefore she is single. Single men and women are not allowed to participate in religious festivities and marriage celebrations because it is considered unlucky, unholy, and inauspicious (Rao and Rao 1976). Traditionally, parents who could not find a suitable match for their daughters were ostracized and looked down on.
Divorce was not even a remote possibility or even thought of until recent times (Kakar 1998; Mullatti 1995). In India, there is a cultural, religious, and social stigma associated with divorce. Community disapproval is stronger for divorced women than it is for divorced men (Lessinger 2002).
Studies of divorced, separated, and deserted women show that a majority of them experience serious financial problems, and as a result, many of them are unable to provide food, clothing, and shelter for themselves and their children (Kumari 1989; Mullatti 1995; Pothen 1989).
After a divorce, Indian women also experience a multitude of problems in the social arena. Because there are very few divorced, separated, or single-parent families, minimal or little social support is available to them. Divorced Indian women encounter greater social barriers to dating and remarriage (Amato 1994; Mullatti 1995). Moreover, they are hesitant to make friends with men (either single or married) because the friendliness might be misinterpreted to mean that the woman is frivolous, immoral, and sexually permissive. As a matter of fact, a large proportion of divorced women reported problems with sexual harassment, in the workplace and on the social scene (Amato 1994; Mehta 1975; Pothen 1986). According to Paul Amato (1994), most Indians consider sexual relations outside of marriage as unacceptable for women, so most divorced women's sexual needs are unfulfilled unless she remarries, and remarriage for an Indian woman is relatively uncommon. It is, therefore, not surprising that a majority of Indian divorced women experience problems with loneliness (Choudhary 1988; Pothen 1986).
As a result of social stigmatization and familial ostracism, a majority of divorced women in India set up their own households and become self-sufficient (Choudhary 1988; Mehta 1975; Pothen 1989). Satya Leela (1991) found that one-fourth of separated and widowed mothers lived with relatives and only 5 percent were economically dependent on their families.
The doctrine of pativratya also makes it difficult for a woman to leave her husband; instead, an unhappily married woman is expected to accept her destiny—a notion strongly supported by the Hindu concept of predestination (Amato 1994). Amato further added that a divorcee with children generally was forced to make demands upon other male kin within the joint family, and this may interfere with a man's primary role obligation, that is, the economic support of his own spouse, children, and perhaps elderly parents. Hence, a woman without a husband (with the exception of a widowed mother) cannot be accommodated over the long term within the framework of the joint family structure without considerable compromise and tension.
User Comments
almost 4 years ago
Every person has a right to live life on their own terms. Whether married divorced or single what is it any body's business as long as person can support himself.
about 2 years ago
vani
HI, I got married 2 yrs ago and having a serious harrasement problem from in laws n my husband. Should i go for divorce? I do not have kids
almost 3 years ago
Preeti
Well, my soon-to-be-ex is filing for the divorce. The reason: I cannot give him any children. He changed instantly on the day we knew about it. He has been emotionally absent since then.
I know that a divorced woman is treated badly in the society but yet, I choose to be one. It is a tough decision but it is better than having to live in an empty marriage and having to listen to him everyday about how regretful he is in the marriage.
about 1 year ago
ap
I got married about 10 yrs ago which was an arranged marriage without seeing each others as we lived in different countries..My bad luck, after ,marraige got to know that he didn't like my looks even before the wedding but couldn't reveal as he met just few days before wedding..And I was so innocent that I found it only after wedding.. Got into the social trap and couldn't get out of it.. Got 2 kids now and now feel that I did the greatest mistake in my life by living with him as I have no love whatsoever in my heart (may be its my turn to show aversion)..Not sure what to do now, any comments?
over 1 year ago
Social Thinker
I don't understand why one should get married only once? In fact, with average life expectancy going up in India, people may get married multiple times and have multiple families.However, I may be wrong also.
On the contrary, marriage is one of the oldest institutions and is regarded as a means to create a support system in the so-called civilized society apart from one's desire to fulfill one's biological needs and aspiration to leave off-springs.
about 5 years ago
Somebody should come forward to bring these single women live as a community and spend life happily and usefully
5 months ago
mine was a arranged marriage..but inter-cast and with in 2 months of my marriage i realized that my man was not supportive in all ways... emotionally, physically and mentally. i tried to adjust and work it out for a year... like everyone says in india, that initial phase is hard and gradually everything becomes fine.. i could see that i was only compromising in the relationship and not getting anything in return then pain. thankfully i was working and had no kids.. so it was easy to support myself. Frankly speaking, after i left my husbands house, i have had one of the best times of my life, made really good friends.. (girls) and understood myself better. i also happy that people around me have been very supportive of my step and always motivated me to get back to a normal life. i am very happy with the decision i took and the reason behind it is that i had given my 100% to my marriage before taking this step, hence no regrets at all! i will advise all women to respect themselves otherwise, no one else will.
Good Luck & Live your Life!! :)
over 2 years ago
I am a single mother. My husband filed for divorce when my baby was 3 months old! Reason - in-laws didn't like me. Now he cut off from the baby also and he is going to get remarried. Who knows how much torture i went through? He might even call him as an innocent divorcee and some other girl might fall prey.
By God's grace i could support me and my baby. Companionship - just forget about it. Another Victim of age old stigma.
3 months ago
average male 38 maeeied but feeling alone allahabad. govt.servent. well educated,
4 months ago
I have been divorced for a few years now and have born the brunt of the ostracized single woman in Indian Society.I come from a smaller town,Guwahati, where being divorced, but still willing to live on and start a normal life or fight for one's rights is not accepted openly. People in my home town were completely hypocrytical about the way they behaved towards women in this status. I gave up a good position and moved to Mumbai with my daughter and started life from scratch a few years back, as I did not accept this attitude of society . Mumbai is much better, but my status follows me like a shadow. A divorced woman has to face a lot of issues in the society and at the workplace. Any deemed mistake at work is put down to the fact of being divorced. If you happen to be working in a conventional company,unsmart males wouldn't want to associate with you in plum projects as they would rather stay away than being 'linked'. Some others would want to associate with you just to check if you are available. Still others would link any negative behavioural trait to the divorce (' that's why she must be divorced') The biggest dangers are with the married guys who think you are available for fun!
Another issue, over and above financial hardships that i faced was that i had to undergo some paperwork changes only due to my divorce. This work has been very time consuming and very humiliating, as there have been instances when I have been talked down to by officers, who behaved like I had committed some crime by being divorced. It is unfair as the males never have to undergo any such changes!
I stay away from regular families, because I realise that i do not fit into them. I have been still among the few ladies to have got some very good friends who have been like pillars of strength to me.
However, I feel I am lucky to be self sufficient and Mubai has given me freedom and ability to express myself as an individual to a large extent.
I wish there was more readily available support or direction for separated women or single parents!
...Kasturi
8 months ago
Who wrote this backward minded article? Its time for Society to talk about the Future..."What we want to be" and not "What was"
Why waste time talking about what WAS and maybe still is in certain sections of society? OK. Maybe majority.
Why not talk about about those sections of society who accept Divorce as a Positive change. A CHANCE for women/men to live like a human being should.
Happiness is every human's right. No one should sacrifice his/her own freedom, happiness to serve the society's selfish mind-set !!!
We Indians, lets MOVE forward. Lets talk of zero discrimination. Lets stop looking for excuses like caste, divorce, money to feel good about oneself and put down another.
10 months ago
A gud article to read. Both myself and my mother are single women. My mother is an iron lady and she is my inspiration. Ilearnt many things from my mother, that is the do's and dont's of a single mother.
almost 2 years ago
Sk
Indeed girls get lost in dating their boy friends and the guys show off and cheat girls such that girls have have too many expectations
from their marriages. After the guys are just emotionally cheating the girls.Young dating mates never ask the mature questions, they just are keen on ‘I love you’ as
if life ends there and then. Focus is only on the movie aspect of love i.e dating, love , sex and honeymoon .
No man cares about the duties that come up with rights.
Result is that within 1 year of love marriage it leads to depressions for girls and agression for guys.
the result is that both get rude shocks and the emotional scars of a divorce are left on their lives for ever.
In this day and age, it is imperative for both prospective partners to know as much as they can about their partners not just physically but also the darker side of the man.
Also I would like to add one question which young girls should ask their to be husbands i.e “Are you ok if I continue to work in a corporate office from 8am to 8pm ,5 days a week even after marriage”
Believe me most men will say ‘No’.Also girls can ask questions that will their boyfriend (to be husband)
help them out in kitchen activities or does he expect the wife to do all alone?
Girls if guys dont cooperate even after marriage then no point in continuing with them.The earlier to
you get divorced the better for you.
The earlier you can then start looking for for more understanding men and be assured you will
find better ones soon..
It seems that all women agree to these facts and know the
importance of these while all men seem to be avoiding them for mysterious reasons...
about 2 years ago
hi guys...m gtg divorced but i dnt wnt it. i hve a daughter..6 yrs old who my wife hs taken to her place...my wife caught me chatting to females on the net and felt m nt loyal..bt tht is incorrect. i wd never leave my wife for another woman..bt vn she began abusing..running from the house..telling abt me in our social circle..i decided it was time...bt even today i feel divorce is the worst thing to happen
about 3 years ago
Yes,although our country and it's people are adavncing / developing at a good rate but still the mind set is just the same as it was decades and decades back. Still our society is unable to accept the divorced females, no matter how good the female is. It's a very SHAMEFUL ACT for the unmarried guys family to accept a divorced female as their daughter in law whereas the case is totally different with a male. Why this disparity ? Are females not a human being or they don't have and emotions and feelings. We don't know when our society will start thinking in a matured way.
over 3 years ago
As is evident by the comments of the men on this page, male prerogative in India will survive for a few centuries more. Bravo, Mr Suryavanshi -- you grew up in a country where the opression is women is ubiquitous, culturally sanctioned and unquestioned. Most reasonable Indian will accept that there are glaring inequities between the genders in India. You however, adamantly believe that India is populated by Sex and the City clones who visit untold misery on the country's hapless males. So what if statistics on dowry, domestic violence and female foeticide tell quite a different story. We Indian women need more sensitive, empathetic and just men like you. Then life will be purrfect!
about 4 years ago
Modern day women are materialistic and want things NOW.Most marriages broken recently is beacuse evn tho gals are gorwn up and adult is mostly infuenced by parents.Because they love their parents they go for aranged marriage without dating men and cutting off themselves from the world.After marriage they realise that is not what they want.A divorce is most likely to be filed by a woman than a man.
If they lead a lonely life tha is what they choose.Tough luck.
Vijay
over 1 year ago
You are talking about female .But think once when a Man is a Dedicated to her wife and she always think about her parents and her parents are like God for her irrespective of if what they are saying is right or wrong .In that case how would you rate a female .Is she acceptable .Who think Husband is good for nothing inspite of fulfilling all her wants .
almost 2 years ago
I totally agree with Vijay Suryavanshi on his comments. Modern day women very are materialistic and want things NOW and what husband to keep paying for all the stupid demands. It’s also a fact that most marriages broken recently is because it’s mostly influenced by woman’s parents demanding money from the husband. A divorce is most likely to be filed by a woman than a man or the woman’s behaves in such a manner that the man has no chose beside to go for a divorce.
If a woman leads a lonely life then they asked for it. What goes around comes around.
about 3 years ago
We have have advanced in many ways however, with the advancement the numbers of women either being single (never married) or Divorced is on the rise. Reasons for divorce could be the fault of either spouse or both hence cannot be singled out. Having said this the concern is once a woman reaches 40 the chances of finding a partner let alone friends become remote hence single women tend to be " left out on the shelf" Its sad but true that singlehood for a man or woman can be a pretty depressing state of mind no matter how much a person tries to pre occupy themself in other activities, the absence of love/companionship turns out to be a permanent craving in the hearts and minds of single folks.
almost 4 years ago
It is too bad that the Vedic Era was completely ignored or arranged marriages would not have been as they turned out to be. There are plenty of abusive men who somehow get to marry. However, if I'm a decent man, the sad saying goes "Nice people finish last". If you're a woman who wants to have her say or a man who shows nurturance and generosity over machoism and/or authoritarianism, you're SOL. Sometimes, marriage is nothing more than a BULLSH*T word. As a single man who has yet to marry, I cannot say that love marriages or arranged marriages are perfect. We should carefully examine each of their pluses and minuses and make the best of both.
4 days ago
i want a cool women by my side
about 1 year ago
with grown up children,even if some man is willing,many single womwn may not be either remarry or live together. Many single women may not even get house for rent ,leave alone the other major hurdles in day to day life.I suggest that such single women may join as a small group n live as single family. If a suitable male is found with siblings,they can live as neighbours at least in the event of non possibility to marry or live together. I have an idea to build single room apartments in chennai.
over 1 year ago
rp
hi iam gautam from m.p. iam divorced my wife i see any good ndurstnding women