Sexuality in Childhood

Although each child comes to form his or her sexuality in a unique way, there are patterns of sexuality formation common for both boys and girls. At an early age, children begin to form an understanding of the ways that bodies look and function for both sexes, often through a process of body discovery in which children become aware of their bodies as part of themselves and part of their identity (Schuhrke 2000). As children become aware of their own body parts, specifically their genitals, fundamental learning about sexuality begins. During the first year of life, the mouth is the main zone in which children derive pleasure as they associate comfort with feeding and often explore their world by using their mouth as a "third hand." From ages one to three, toilet training becomes the source of sexual information as children frequently come into contact with their genitals through this learning process. Children that are three to six years old often masturbate to gratify their increasing sexual desires although this is not a means of sexual expression at this age but simply a means of deriving pleasure. From ages six to twelve, children often explore their bodies and have a great deal of sexual curiosity even though they may not express their sexuality overtly. However, sexual and obscene language is often prevalent among this age group, a covert signal that this sexual curiosity is present (Renshaw 1971).

Through the early years of childhood, children's understanding of their sexuality focuses on visible body parts and functions, making diapering and toilet training opportune times to speak with children about sexuality and sexual functioning (Couchenour and Chrisman 1996). However, children often receive mixed messages about their sexuality. For example, touching their genitals feels pleasurable, yet they frequently receive negative feedback when exploring their bodies. In providing feedback about genital exploration, parents have a major influence on children's sexuality formation.

Janet Kahn (1985) explains:

Parents play a role in a child's learning about what it means to be a male or female, what are appropriate ways to express intimacy, affection, and other interpersonal or individual emotions, how a child feels about his or her body both in terms of its appearance and its capacities for pleasure and accomplishment, the ideas the child forms about family roles and other aspects of lifestyle, as well as all of the issues related to reproductive and erotic behavior and their social consequences. (p. 262)

Children also begin to recognize the way others evaluate and handle their own bodies and integrate this information into the ways in which they see their own bodies (Schuhrke 2000). Because children learn predominantly through observation, their parents are the conveyers of the messages they receive about sexuality: from how they are touched to what sexual topics are appropriate to discuss to the sexual behaviors that are rewarded or punished (Kahn 1985). Close and nude physical contact with parents brings attention to children's bodies and sparks sexual interest. For example, exposure to nudity within the home and sleeping in the parental bed is correlated with higher comfort levels with physical contact and affection, self-esteem, and sexual activity (Schuhrke 2000), whereas secrecy, disapproval, and inhibition in parents about sexuality may breed guilt in children (Renshaw 1971). Cross-cultural studies have shown that children are not born with sexual guilt or anxieties; they acquire them (Tannahill 1992).