Oppositionality

Oppositional problems have often been present for a long time and parents become unable to differentiate matters in which they need to take a stand from issues that are trivial and not worth the fuss. In these situations, parents are afraid that if they give in or ignore something, their child will get out of control and walk all over them. Consequently, parents end up nagging, saying "no" all the time, or constantly trying to set more limits. This usually increases the child's defiance. In these cases the therapist may help parents identify what is important and what is not, what is really worth a fight and what is not.

Another common scenario is that parents just give in and think their child is too strong-willed for them. These parents lose confidence and the young person increasingly takes control. This can happen more easily in single-parent families or families in which parents do not support each other. When these patterns are well established, change is difficult and requires time.