Other Free Encyclopedias » Marriage and Family Encyclopedia » Relationships » Marital Sex - Beliefs About Marital Sexuality, Sexual Frequency, The Decline Of Sexual Frequency Over Time, Sexual Practices And Preferences

Marital Sex - Sexual Frequency

cohabitation couples married times intercourse

Rates of intercourse appear to have increased among married couples in recent decades. For example, pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues (Kinsey et al. 1953) surveyed over eleven thousand men and women living in the United States during the late 1940s and early 1950s about a variety of sexual issues, including how often they had sex. The results of these large-scale surveys revealed that young married couples tended to have sex approximately twice weekly. Twenty years later, in 1974, social scientist Morton Hunt reported slightly higher frequencies—on average, young married men and women (ranging in age from eighteen to twenty-four) had sex 3.25 times a week. This seeming rise in sexual frequency may stem from a variety of social changes occurring in the 1960s and 1970s that liberalized marital sexuality, including the advent of sex therapy, the "sexual revolution," the increased availability of erotic or pornographic material, and the introduction of the birth control pill.

More recent data, however, suggest that the amount of sexual activity between spouses has not continued to rise. According to a U.S. national study headed by sociologists Edward Laumann and John Gagnon (Laumann et al. 1994), most married couples have sex an average of seven times a month (this amounts to less than twice a week). Only 7 percent, in fact, of the married respondents in their study reported having sex four or more times each week. Other U.S. national surveys of married couples in the 1990s provided similar results (Call, Sprecher, and Schwartz 1995; Donnelly 1993). In addition, there is tremendous variability in the frequency of sexual intercourse in marital relationships. Some couples are celibate or have sex very infrequently, whereas others engage in intercourse on a daily basis. For example, Cathy Greenblat (1983) interviewed eighty people who had been married five years or less. The number of times spouses reported having had sexual intercourse each month during their first year of marriage ranged from one (or an average of twelve times that year) to forty-five (or 540 times that first year).

Several researchers have explored whether certain long-term couple types have sex more frequently than others. In general, surveys reveal that cohabitation is a "sexier" living arrangement than is marriage. That is, cohabiting heterosexual couples and homosexual male couples tend to have sexual intercourse (defined as genital contact) more frequently than married couples (Blumstein and Schwartz 1983; Call, Sprecher, and Schwartz 1995; Rao and DeMaris 1995). Homosexual female (lesbian) couples, on the other hand, have sex less frequently than other couple types, although they engage in more nongenital physical contact (e.g., cuddling, hugging). Despite these differences, all forms of long-term, committed partnership—married or cohabiting, heterosexual or homosexual—are associated with greater sexual frequency than is singlehood (Laumann et al. 1994).


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about 3 years ago

i am 53 year old want to have sex at least two times a week my wife is 51 year old and don t want sex even after one month . if she agree for sex just in 2 or 3 munits in foreplay she discharge her self after that she to do masterbastion me but not by heart so that i have to say it s ok then we go to sleep it is the matter of at least 20 year back WHAT SHULD I DO i don t want to go for out sex plese give me advese

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over 5 years ago

My husband and I have only been married for a year and just recently our have slowed...why I dont know, He is not a sexually driven person, so If I only had sex when he wanted to it would be like 1 every month. i have tried initiating it but all i get everytime is a dirty look or he turns it into a game and then leaves.The only time he wants anything is if I give him oral which is like all the time but I never get ANYTHING in return not even sex. He says He wants me on top, which I do all the time but i just dont get anything from it ever I never have. I finally told him that...ANd then he called me lazy and says I never do anything and says our sex life is boring. How do I make it better if he wont let me?

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almost 5 years ago

Married for 26 years. I'm 52 and my wife 50. Every time I read something that shows frequency of sexual activities I smile as my wife and I are obviously way to the right of the curve. We have sex daily (on average) now that we are older and have more time as the kids require less attention. Never have we been less than 3x week and sometimes twice a day! It's wonderful to wake up every morning being touched by your spouse. Most of the time that leads to something and if not, makes the day so much fun as we can't wait for evening. Sometimes we can't wait that long and have to take an "afternoon nap."

It's wonderful. We never deny the other if one isn't in the mood - we just get creative. Neither of us could ever imagine not having sex at least every other day.

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over 3 years ago

I am 82 and my wife is 79. WE have been married over 5o years. I was having difficulty with erections so my wife terminated all physical contact.No kissing no fondling terminating our physical relationship.I think she is wrong but do not wish to make an issue after all these years together, What is the answer. Advise

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over 5 years ago

My partner and I have been together 15 years and we still love each other. We had sex every night when we first met but have not had intercourse for 10 years. I masturbate alone. She has had a hysterectomy, suffers from high blood pressure and is on anti-depressants. Reading the above I realise all of these things are factors. A while back we tried to get help but got the run around by the public health system with different doctors wanting to send us for counselling. I believe this is a chemical issue not a psychological one.

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over 6 years ago

I am a 53 year old male, my partner is 59. We have sex every night, sometimes in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon. I put this down to as having the right chemistry.

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about 4 years ago

Havening read you’re posting for the first time I feel sad for many who are responding. My wife and I have had 52 wonderful years together. Not every day was perfect but we always have maintained a terrific sex life, even now at age 74 we still have sex daily unless one of us is sick. The holding of each other both at night and morning is more than great. Most or sex occurs in the morning, however, nights are great occasionally.

Think and act young even if both are not in prime time health.

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almost 6 years ago

I'm female (30s) in a relationship with a guy who I find attractive in every way everyday.. unfortunately he hates the fatigue and sluggishness that occurs after sex and avoids it like the plague. Makes me sad and feel undesirable and guilty when we do, but I know he loves me deeply. We have sex 2-6 times a month, is that normal? It's nice to read about those older couples who say they have sex frequently with their partner.. and the other couples who don't, I don't feel so alone and unusual.

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about 4 years ago

Hi
I am an Indian woman, 27 years old, married for past 1 year. I hail rom a typical Indian family, slightly forward types, so I had an arranged marriage. We both were given a choice of life partner, so i got to meet him 3-4 times before saying 'yes'. We both felt that we connected instantly and it was very easy to talk to him about anything on earth.
We made out 2 times before marriage, but didn't have sexual intercourse. We had discussed a lot about it, since we both were virgins and concerned about everything going right. since we both are educated and broad-minded, we could actually talk about sex before marriage. ( in typical Indian arranged marriages, people don't talk about it, even after marriage).

whenever we have sex, its great and very satisfying. its not as if I hv orgasm every time, but I feel fulfilled. but, I feel we have a very low frequency ( once a week) since our wedding. From my friends' experience, who hv been married in a similar situation, the freq is 4-5 times a week. I asked my friends coz I was feeling dissatisfied about our sex life and i wanted to know whether it is normal. the intention was not to compare.
moreover, i'm tired of initiating sex every time. i hv talked to him about it several times, but he feels that he's satisfied. i feel very anxious if we dont hv sex for a complete week. He's a very sweet and caring person, and loves me very much. but my sexual dissatisfaction is creating stress in our relationship. i dont know what to do. i masturbate sometimes, but dont feel as satisfied as sex.
i'm sure he's not having an affair and he's actually great in bed, when he gets down to it... but frequency is a problem, and I'm unhappy about it.
what should I do now?

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over 4 years ago

It’s unfortunate to read all these stories. This is something you learn after you are married, and for most it’s too late after that. What I mean is you devote yourself to this 1 person for life. You don’t care if you don’t have sex with another person ever, and that’s ok with you, because you love your partner. Before you pop the question, you have made up your mind: waking up to him/her every morning having sex 1 or 2 times a week? I can live with that, because once a day is not realistic, but 1, 2 times fantastic! We never argue. I love my partner and my partner loves me, I know this %100, what can go wrong? Of course I'll marry my partner! Then you get the rude awakening, after you get married: 1 time a month if you’re lucky? Wait I did not sign up for this? My partner loves me! I know it! I don’t understand? What? The worst thing off all is that you love your partner so much that leaving them is not an option. Which makes it more frustrating. In the meantime you have co-workers friends that look at you and want you, but you have your hands tide. Not necessarily that you must be with them, but the irony that the person that wants you so bad is not the person that you love. For the people who are tormented and deprived of sex by your lover, please hang in there! I don’t have a lot of experience in this. I have only been doing this (being married) for 3 years and I am tired of it too! So I know what every body here is going through. If you really LOVE your partner and must be with them, I have some advice that I have not tried but I really feel it is the best thing someone can do in this situation: To wrap it up in a nutshell: be the person your partner fell in love with and found so irresistible in the first place. Remember when money was just an object, when you skipped work just to be with them, when you wrote them love letters, when you went all out on their birthday,Valentines,and Christmas? This is just a few examples but you get the idea. Don’t stop there, listen to them, don’t ignore them. If they tell you about their day, you must more than listen, be involved so you can ask questions. I can go on and on but this is just scratching the surface. Never stop this, make it part of your nature. You will need PATIENCE,PATIENCE,PATIENCE,AND MORE PATIENCE AND MORE AND MORE...Probably more than that. Only you know if this is worth the while. If all of this does not work, Please don’t yell at your partner in frustration, it’s probably not there fault. They will want you even less. At this point I would suggest to involve a third party. I would not recommend trying and resolving this on your own...You know: "Why DON'T YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Etc...Please seek a counselor,pastor,phychiatrist who ever you can get, that is qualified in this field. Also if you think that it is because you are bad in bed, I have news for you. Not necessarily. I figured out how to you know make my wife you know..2 or more times in one night. I also figured out how to last as long as I wanted. My wife definitely respected me more in bed after that. She did not tell me, it’s just something you know they know. Please I am not bragging I'm trying to make a point... After I figured out those almost impossible talents, the sex schedule was still the same. She had the same desire. So please don’t think that will be the answer. But it helps in some ways. Believe me I will try my own advice because I love my wife and I really believe it will be a great starting point. This is the first comment I have ever posted in my life and I am a Network Engineer. I just feel so passionate about this misunderstood, underground, subject, that I just had to write something about it. I hope this helps at least one person, because anybody that has never lived with this, has no idea what it feels like. Much respect to the people who have been struggling with this 1-? years. Peace and Love to you all.

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over 5 years ago

I'm 46 and have been married for 15 years. We had sex maybe six times a year and the sex was totally average--as if she was saying, "okay do your thing and I'll just lay here." I'm good looking, thin and in shape as is my wife.

I moved out last week and have been dating a 31 year old superstar whom I love. We make love once or twice a day and the quality of sex is amazing. I was too young to unscrew my winky and out it in the dresser drawer. I had to weigh pros and cons as I have two beautiful children who are upset about break-up. In long run I want to go to my grave having found a loving and deep physical connection with someone. I did not have with wife--ever. I have it now and the feeling to be loved, caressed, and completely consumed in bed is simply AMAZING. Do not stay together for kids. Love your kids, respect your ex-spouse and LIVE!

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over 5 years ago

My husband (44) and I (39) have been together for over 16 years and continue to have sex about 10-15 times per week. We both have a high sex drives and are extremely fortunate to have found each other. We have only slept apart due to an argument or disagreement three times over the years.

A side note is that we have been swingers for the past eleven years. We are usually intimate with other couples at most about dozen times per year. Most years have only been two three times. We have been involved with nine other couples over the years and are still good friends with all (even those that we are no longer intimate with).

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over 5 years ago

My husband (25 yrs) and i (24 yrs)have been married for just over 6 months, but we dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He was my first real boyfriend (and first to have sex with), and I was his. We were both teenagers when we met. While we dated we had sex (on average twice a week, sometimes more, and it was great). We both talked about and looked forward to getting married and living together thinking that our sex life and frequency of sex was going to improve. However now that we are married, and live together, our sex life has never been worse. We have sex once-twice a month (if I'm lucky) on average. I would like us to have it more often, but every time i bring it up, he gets frustrated and tells me that he is stressed and not in the mood. I tried everything, but it only happens when he wants it. He tells me that is is under a lot of stress (from work) and as a result not in the mood when i want it. I stopped asking him for it because it started to hut being rejected. I have never cheated on him, or plan to. However i need to know if this is normal for a 25 year old male to only want to have sex once - twice a month, keeping in mind that i am not a bad looking girl?? My husband used to have strong sexual desires (before we got married. I need to know if stress can reduce onse desire for sex this much??? Hope to hear from a male's point of view. I am worried what may happen later on in our marriage if the frequency keeps on going down. Thanks.

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about 6 years ago

I am 47 and my wife 45, I am still extremely attracted to her after 22 years of marriage and 30 years of our relationship.. However, to her sex is just not important enough to expend energy on, we may have sex 2x/month, and then it's only a "quickie" most of the time... We have three children and are exhausted at the end of the days, but I'm still ready, and she will say she wants to but then she will nearly always find "something else" to do or that's more important...



Sign me Frustrated in Texas...

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about 3 years ago

I don't get my wife. She is ready to divorce me because we only do it once every month or two, yet she NEVER initiates, and 99% of the time, she turns me down when I try to initiate. When we do actually do it, everything revolves around her, it's very mechanical and structured...same way every time, and if I mess up and she doesn't get there, I'm made out to be a total idiot. Instead of me trying to please her and her trying to please me, she thinks that we both should be trying to please her. I've given up initiating, so now things are just getting worse. I was a virgin when we married, and I thought sex would be a blessing, but lately it seems more like a curse. I'm having difficulty finding her attractive. I wish she would at least make some effort.

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about 4 years ago

Frequency Low, Duration High...

I am a sixty year old woman who has recently resumed a sex life after nearly 20 years of celibacy. While the frequency of intercourse is between 1 and 2 times/week, what has surprised us both (my partner is 54) is the duration. We regularly spend 3-5 hours at intercourse with the majority of the time being devoted to oral sex.

I have had more partners than 97% of women, and find my partner to be the best by far of any that I've known. He expresses similar satisfaction.

Sadly, our relationship is threatened by a disagreement about the frequency of intercourse, with my partner wishing that we had sex at least 2-3 times as often as we do. Apart from this we are both very happy with our sex lives.

A very bad back impinges on my activity - this will only get worse with time. Sigh.

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over 4 years ago

If peopl can find a partner they can continue to be madly attracted to, more power to them. Having a degree in biology and looking at various species, however, there are very few groups that are naturally monogamous. If it were natural for humans to be monogamous, it would be easy. It's easy for swans. They, by-the-way, have sex only a few times during a very small window during the year. For humans to continue to be monogamous, generally, it has to be a choice. It can work, socially. I think if people would accept that monogamy is a choice, people would have a much easier time of it.

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about 6 years ago

We must be two of the luckiest people there are. My darling and I are both 60 and we've been married 37 yrs. We have sex, on average, no fewer than twenty times weekly. Not an hour passes when we do not speak our love and our emotional need for each other. Often, I see notes about husbands or wives who will not or cannot show thir love. Im always flabbergasted. Few things are more important-- to MEN as well as women.

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over 6 years ago

it must be nice, i go so long without it that when i do get it it isnt very long, i average about 20-30 times a year when im home and 0 a year when im in iraq, this is from a guy who use to get it everyday, the thought of cheating on her runs throughout my mind about 4 times an hour

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about 7 years ago

I am over 40 year old... I can have sex at least 4-5 times/per week. If my spouse can keep up with me; then I could have sex everyday!!! Eventhough, I do not have enough sleep, I still keep up with my sex routine just fine... My sex routine has been going on for couple of years already and continue to present. Now, my question! is it too much sex/per week??? I would like to have any your comment?



Thanks.

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over 3 years ago

Hello!
My name is Nancy. I am 46 and i just got married. My husband is 4 years younger than i am. m just wondering why in our month long honeymoon we only had sex 3 times. It seems he isnt interested in sex unless i pursue it. im very frustrated. is he gay???

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about 4 years ago

I'm 25, my husband 27. He wants sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky, but if I had my way, it'd be several times a day every day. I understand his low drive and try not to push or make him feel bad, but it's very hard wanting something so badly but not doing anything about it because more often than not it won't result in sex, just him feeling bad and guilty that he's not interested.

It doesn't help that he also seems to have that sleep sex thing... In the middle of the night I'll wake up to him groping, kissing, saying dirty things, then at some point he'll just suddenly sag and sound groggy as he has just "woken up." For a while he thought I was the one trying to start things, but after talking about it he realized what was going on. Now if I know he's tired/been sleeping I have to try to keep anything from happening until I can confirm he is awake (asking some thought provoking question), because otherwise it will just stop at some random moment, regardless of what's going on/how worked up I've gotten, because he just woke up and is exhausted.

I masturbate regularly to try to keep from losing my mind, but that is completely different from having sex with a partner you deeply love and it is not particularly satisfying, but it's all I can think to do.

In just about every other way we are a great pair, get along well and love each other deeply, but this is really starting to get to me and I don't know what to do about it.

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about 5 years ago

My wife stopped having sex completely, 18 years ago at age 32. Not for any organic or medical reason, she simply stopped. Prior to that she had never, not once ever initiated sex and turned me down 9 times out of 10. So when she stopped all sex, it really was neither a shock nor much of a change. I don't suppose we ever had sex in the prior 12-14 years leading up age 32, outside of scheduled times to specifically conceive children, more than 40 or 50 times total. And if I look forward to the remaining 20-30 years of life I'd have to say my best prediction is zero sex.

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over 1 year ago

sex

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almost 6 years ago

Hi, I am 40 and my husband is 36. We have been married for 13 years and have a 4 yr old. Sex has been dwindling for years. It is my fault because I rarely feel sexy or horny. My husband thinks about sex all the time and has tried to iniciate it many times. We have talked openly about it and do not know haow to resolve the issue - we both love each other very much and want to stay together but I'm not sure how much longer things can go on the way they have been.

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8 months ago

i was married for five years with out any child,because of this my husband
start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time
with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor
told me there is no way for me to get pregnant, this really make life so
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through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a
miracle three days later my husband came with apology for all he has
done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few
month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are now a happy family
. Thanks to DR SERAPHIN for saving my relationship and for also
saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to
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8 months ago

i was married for five years with out any child,because of this my husband
start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time
with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor
told me there is no way for me to get pregnant, this really make life so
hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about DR SERAPHIN from the
Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going
through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a
miracle three days later my husband came with apology for all he has
done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few
month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are now a happy family
. Thanks to DR SERAPHIN for saving my relationship and for also
saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to
contact DR SERAPHIN for your problem to be solve, his EMAIL is (seraphintemple@gmail.com) For solution to your problem.

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over 1 year ago

I admit i was skeptical about magic spells, for me it was just a movie thing though I was ready to try anything to get my husband back, which I did with this spell Esango priest 've cast for me.I think I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't this spell caster. The other casters I contacted seemed to care only for money and nothing else, but I've appreciated the fact that Esango priest seemed much caring about my problem than all of them. magic water I was hurt and depressed when my lover of five years left me for another woman. One friend suggested the idea to contact a spell caster, which I would have never thought of myself. I contacted a few of them but Esango priest was the person I felt good with. he was understanding, replied all my emails promptly and patiently. Then I decided to place an order for his spell even if at that time I was still a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back with me. Only 1 week after the spell was actually cast, he returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. For that reason, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page, which I believe will help persons to choose Esango priest for their case his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

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over 1 year ago

My whole life has bounced back after the work of Esango priest who restored my marriage. my lover and i have been apart for over 9 months, i have contacted so many spell casters to help me, but all of them failed me and went away with my money. A friend introduced me to this powerful man called Esango priest. my friend told me how he helped him and many other people to get their lover back. I actually contacted him, behold he actually did the spell and my lover came back to apologize to me. today we are happy again and living together as we used to be. I urge every one on this site searching for a real spell caster to go straight to Esango priest. he is a powerful man he will surely help you. His contact is esangopriest@hotmail.com

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almost 2 years ago

its good to see Marital Sex - Sexual Frequency in details, athletic clothing

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over 2 years ago

Hi,

My age is 28/5'10"/70Kgs.

I am engaged in sexual activities with my spouse who is 27/5'2"/48 from last 3 months for THRICE A DAY(sometimes we don't do).

I don't feel any anxiety/stress or anything.

My query is,

# Is this something wrong we are doing which could adversely affect our health.
# Is this practice safe or will change as we grow old.
# Would this affect the health of future planned child.

Please advice.
A. Rojas

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almost 3 years ago

im a nigerian single im sexy i love the way this wonderful natural gift is discoursed i look forward of having sexy lady as good to enjoy this gift for the rest of our life keep it up

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almost 3 years ago

im a nigerian single im sexy i love the way this wonderful natural gift is discoursed i look forward of having sexy lady as good to enjoy this gift for the rest of our life keep it up

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over 3 years ago

To the old man who cannot get it up and your wife has cut off all sex. Why don't you just take the initiative and to get things going again, may I suggest just get away to a hotel and take a swim in the pool, lounge around a little bit and maybe go out to eat and see a movie or something in other words like a date you used to do many years ago. Then go back to hotel and maybe give your wife a nice full body massage, so purchase some nice oil and just surprise her. Take your time with that and get her worked up and if you still cannot get an erection with the change of scenery, just go down on her and really give her a good oral sex, you may even secretly by her a very nice sex toy and use that while you perform oral on her and I bet that will get you turned on enough to where you can get it up. If not at least you can have the pleasure of pleasing her. I think that is a good way to get your wife back on course after cutting you off because of your erection problems.

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over 3 years ago

gostoso sex

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over 3 years ago

gostoso sex

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over 3 years ago

i'm a boy of 21 yrs but i like watching ur films so i want to join u

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almost 4 years ago

Hi, i was tryin to find out somethin for a friend wen i came across your article but it was not the answer to my findings so i hope u could help me out.The thing is i have this friend she was a divorcee shes had a child and for a year and half now she has has not had sex since shes been having abdominal pain not like dat of a menstrual pain.What can she use or do because she really goin tru a lot of pain is there any dgrug dat she can take?
Thank you and looking forward to to hearing from you soon.
your
DARE

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about 4 years ago

Getting Desparate, I hear you. We are on the verge of splitting. We've lived together 4 years and it was fantastic at first. We still have our moments, but we average once a month and it is driving me crazy. I just can't live this way. I love him so much, am attracted to him, we've been through the ringer, i get so annoyed I flip out. Doesn't matter if we go weeks loving, laughing. I keep waiting...waiting..waiting...I get pushed to the brink. Forget me initiating, it doesn't work. I feel like I am trapped. Sad, terrible. It honestly feels like a total lack of effort, we've tried Cialis, but even then, if he is not totally in the mood, it doesn't happen. I have heard every reason under the sun. he will stop mid way as well, and I feel like punching him for it.

I know it is ugly to feel this anger, but we have everything else and he is throwing it away. He jerks off aleast once a week.

If it is me, if the pressure is so bad, than put me out of my misery and let me go. It feels like a control issue...the thing is...i think it would be the same with anyone.

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over 4 years ago

I am 47 and my wife is 53. We have been married for almost 10 years aand the sex has been aweful for the last 6 years or so. We have both been married before and had a wonderful, exciting, spontaneous sex life at first. When it happens, she is very mechanical and it has to be only on Saturday mornings. I found a calender in which she has been keeping "score" and this has been going on for years. Usually a checkmark. We had great a great sexual relationship for the first three or so years...she used to like "toys" amd sexy nightgowns, but now it is like havung sex with a corpse. I try to discuss this with her and when I bring it up, I am treated like a pervert. I don't believe she has had an orgasim that I have seen in years. Am I ready to continue with this. I don't think so.. The "keeping score" really bothered me. She seems inflexible. We are great friends, but I think I screwed up by getting married too soon after being widowed at 37. This is strange, but being "friends" and having a healthy marital relationship is different. I do not believe anyone is "cheating" because we own a mutual business and I believe she would not do that...Am I stupid or in denial. Is this worth hitting the "eject button" and starting over? 47 is pretty young to have "metered, corpse sex.



This is not the way we stated, but this is whhere we are and she is a beautiful woman and I tell her that I love her several times a day. I will not cheat on her, however I think this may lead to a divorce.

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over 4 years ago

I am a 60 year old female who has recently entered a relationship. I find my fiance very sexually attractive. He would be happy o have sex one or more times weekly, but I am the one lagging.



Because of finances, we both still need to work part time and that keeps me tired. I truly believe if I was able to be at home all day, every day, the stress would end, and I would have more energy to devote to our sex life. I have several adult children that I talk to by phone each day, the laundry, the dinner, the time I need to relax at night, all seem to take the time I have.



Oh how I hope, should the day ever arrive that I can stay at home, our sex life will pick up.

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over 4 years ago

I have been married 15 years. I married at age 25 as a virgin because I really wanted to save myself for my spouse so I could give myself completely to her. As my wife and I courted we had heated makeout sessions, but once married the sex thing never worked for her. I acknowledge that I may suck at it, but I wish I could be better and she enjoyed it. We have averaged about 6 to 10 times a year over our marriage. She knows it hurts me and I feel like I'm groveling every time I bring it up. It is very bad for my self-esteem. I wonder if an affair would help or just separate. I am in good shape, as is my wife, but physical intimacy is not her interest. I wish I had it. I need it. I'm going to go crazy...

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about 5 years ago

I'm a newly wed of about a month, with my now-husband for 4 years total. As with many of you we had sex daily when we started dating and it's decreased ever since. Now we are down to 1-2 a month. As many sites as I've seen where people post their stories, this seems to be a alarmingly common thing. I think it's a rarity when people maintain the twice-a-week average, so maybe we all just need to realize that we're not alone, this happens a lot. That at least helps me not to feel like I need to freak out about it. I love and adore my husband and he has valid reasons for having a low drive according to research I've done. I'm fortunate in that he's never turned me down, it's just emotionally draining when I have to instigate most of the time. I take care of myself and keep myself groomed which helps peek his interest. The hardest part for me is that he HATES to talk about it, which I can understand. But that's the part that puts distance between us, not the infrequency of the sex. Sex is an extremely sensitive and loaded topic that comes with a lot of baggage. The key is letting down any guard or barriers when the topic comes up and trying to really understand where the other person is coming from. My husband has too many valuable qualities that women look for in a man and rarely find for me to get caught up in what kind of sex life society dictates we should have.

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over 5 years ago

Hello there, I'm 37 and have been married for 17 1/2 years,we have known each other for 21 years. We have gone through our down times. On average we have sex one or more times a week. I think it is all about making your man happy. I have only started maybe 4 times in the last year. I was raised in the old way of being a wife making coffee, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert most nights. I have fallen very ill and he still shows me the same respect. ANOTHER WORDS IF YOU GIVE IT YOU WILL GET IT!!!

Very Happy :)

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over 5 years ago

My wife and I have been married 19 years. The first 10 years were great. The last 4 not so great. It's been going slowly downhill sexually.:( For the last three years it's been 1 a month. Recently it's become once every two months. What's next once every three, four, six months or never. I'm 39 years old not 99. If it were up to me it would be twice a day. I'm sure it's my fault too. I'm not inspiring her. I feel terrible but I quit. I give up and I'm leaving.

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over 5 years ago

hi. I am a 29 year old female and my partner is 30. during the first year we were going out our sex life was amazing, note he was/is my first. we were active and he was passionate.. after 5 years we got married and now we only do it 1/week. I would like to have it more often and talked to him openly about it but he answered saying that it is better if we preserve it so that it stays fresh and we dont get bored of each other.. I know he loves me very much and we are great everywhere else. But, I have a hard time to actually orgasm so I end up wanting more sex and when he doesnt reciprocate I get creative on my own. I feel it is bad for the relationship and it makes me wonder if im just not desirable to him anymore... plus when i ask him to do things in the bed, which are only normal things (bite the ear or french kiss me) and he doesnt do them or just quickly get it over and done with I feel bad...

one thing to note, he smokes the pot.. do you think that affects his interest in sex?

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over 5 years ago

My wife and I have had sex 7-10 times a year. One period over 16 months. I have don everything in my power to make a regular sex life happen to no avail. I am ready to bail.

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over 5 years ago

My wife and I are 46. Been together 20 years, married for 18 years. Frequency is typically twice a week. My wonderful wife is willing to connect more often than that, but twice a week frequency is our compromise :) :). If it were totally up to her I think we would connect 2-3 times a month. Totally up to me 3-4 times a week. A few general comments: I go out of my way to make sure my wife feels loved and appreciated every day - not just the days we make love. This is NOT to say we have not had our challenges on occassion. We have, but we have converged on a frequency that we are both happy with.



For all the guys who posted about being very frustrated with frequency. In most cases, barring a temporary medical problem I think the following is true: If your wife knows that you are very unhappy about frequency but is only willing to make love once or twice a month, (or less than that) what that really means is that she does not like having sex with you - full stop. And because she doesn't like it, if it were up to her she wouldn't make love to you at all. If you are in that situation you need to determine whether it is your behavior or your traits. If it is your behavior - maybe the way you treat her both in bed or out of bed, is a turn off for her. You can change your behavior. If it is your traits - she is simply not attracted to you and married you for financial stability or some other reason - than you need to decide what to do. Me I would start with asking her to make a list, what could I do that would make her happier with the relationship. A week or two after that, I would have a very low key, non confrontational conversation about what I could do in bed that it make the experience more enjoyable for her. This is a difficult thing to do because she will know what you are asking and why. You need to persist in a nice way. If she will not tell you there is a pretty good chance that she simply isn't attracted to you. If it is a weight or fitness issue you have to decide your priorities. If it is not something you can control, you have to decide what to do. If it were me - and my wife wasn't attracted to me for reasons beyond my control not sure what I would do. At 46 not willing to be celibate. Love my wife. Probably find someone for a long term affair. PS - I have never cheated. Just speaking hypothetically.

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over 5 years ago

My wife and I had sex 9 times last year. That is just depressing.

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over 5 years ago

My wife and I have been married for 15 years and have NEVER had a super active sex life. As 20-something newly weds we had sex maybe 1 or 2 times a month. Now, 15 years later, we have sex may 1 or 2 times a year - and its decreasing. Hard to say really why it is like that, but she just does not like sex and sees it as a burden. I have never cheated or really looked to cheat, but I have to say its hard (no pun intended). Any way, 1 or 2 times is the way it is.

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almost 6 years ago

I am 41 and my wife is 37. We like to have sex every day...sometimes 2 and 3 times/day. I have started noticing that after several days in-a-row of this, I have a hard time (no pun intended) getting an erection. Is this normal? If we wait a day or two in between, then I can get a full erection no problem. Any thoughts on what I can do? Is Cialis my only hope?

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almost 6 years ago

This all comes down to what a couple is happy with. Some are content with a few times a year, others a few times a week. Unfortunately people change come marriage, kids, jobs, stress, etc. Really hard when one wants it more than the other. I'm a mid-thirties type guy in great shape married more than ten years and my wife would probably be happy with no intimacy from me. Once a month is average. Still love her and am committed but it is challenging. A little discouraging when other women check me out or flirt but marriage is a life long thing so anything else is out of the question.

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almost 6 years ago

I am 33 years old and have been with my 28 year old partner for the past 8 years. recently we have cohabited. we have sex about 1 or 2 times a month, its not much, but when it happens its great. I know its not a competition, but when i do, i just remember that we are kicking most married octogenarian's asses with our phenomenal rate... well the ones that are still alive, that is...

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about 6 years ago

Sex is essential for any relationship, of any kind. Without it, the marriage or relationship will fail.

To those who say, " all you want is SEX ", Wake-Up,and smell the coffee! Or better yet, try making Coffee, without water, or try driving a car with Oil, or try eating a Burrito without the Tortilla, or painting your house with a Brush??

You catch my drift?? It just doesn't work out at all.

So if your getting the 50 excuses, you can bet there is a problem, and the problem will only get worse. It is extremely unhealthy to stay in a relationship that will not produce the basic sustanice of life sustaining fulfilment.

No sex, no deal!

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about 6 years ago

I have read the above reseasrch paper and testimony of couples from the comments. But Is there any recommended frequency for married couples? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having intercourse frequently? Some people say that it is tiresome to have sex frequently. If so what is the optimal number, say, in a week? Thank very much.

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about 6 years ago

My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs. I am 38 and he is 43. For some reason, we are exhausted by the end of the day and during the day, it's difficult to have sex because we have a 5 yr. old daughter. We have sex an average of 2x's/week. This isn't quick sex. My husband complains everyday and I tell him that I need more affection during the day to feel intimate with him but he just doesn't know how. In all our years together,he has complimented me a handfull of times. I am not looking for compliments but it would help our sex life. If he showed me his appreciation and love during the day, it would make all the difference in the world to me. I compliment him and I am the one who initiates 90% of the time. He says that he tried initiating, which was for about a week when I was sick years ago. Since I didn't respond and really get into it, is the reason for not initiating anymore. I feel like we're never going to get connected again. Any ideas on what to do?



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about 6 years ago

Im a 34 year old married man, who always enjoyed regular sexual activity before I met my wife.

I enjoyed everything about sex.

I am now lucky if I have sex once every three months. I feel empty and unfulfilled and I have been married for 5 years. I love my wife very much but now find my self beginning resent her. I train at the gym 6 times a week and have even gone to the extremes of taking steroids to achieve a 'perfect' body as I thought it might be me that was becoming unattractive. I still feel my wife is very sexy and attractive and have told her so every day since we have been married.

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over 6 years ago

How about a woman's point of view? I am 33 & husband is 36, we've been married almost 10 years. We have sex an average of 4x/wk, depending on illness and the level of exhaustion from the kids, which we have 2 of, one of which is special needs. I agree that some of this frequency is due to chemistry but I would also suggest that the way my husband treats me makes me desire him sexually. He truly cherishes me, offering massages at least twice a week, bringing me a glass of tea or juice when I'm getting ready for bed. He compliments me and tells me how beautiful I am everyday! He loves me, and since I feel loved, I feel more sexual toward him. (and Sean, we BOTH go without when he is deployed, and we try very hard to be open and connect emotionally so we aren't as sexually frustrated)

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over 6 years ago

I am a 28 year old female ( canadian). I am single, but when i am in a realtionship i would like to have sex every day. Its awesome and i love the physical and emotional connection. I have been told this is rare, that most couples do it about 2x a week. This is unthinkable to me......I hope to be married to a man one day that is just as passionate about this important intimate expression. Help! Is my idea of love impossible?